Blind

I went blind the other day. Full on lost my vision for about 15 min. Scary shit.

Ive been dealing with auto immune issues for about 10 years now. Not something I talk or post about often because really, what does bitching about it do to help? Not a damn thing.

Ive never done well in the heat and the auto immune issues have only exacerbated the problem, and for the past 3 years Ive been in the desert. Oh joy.

The past week SUCKED as far as temperature and it kicked my ass: vertigo, nausea, headaches, body aches, extreme fatigue, and -for a terrifying 15 or so minutes this weekend- blindness.

So imagine, if you will, frantically trying to set up cooling stations for foster pets at 8/9 in the morning in areas (95% of the house/grounds/yard) where there is no AC available by setting up fans, swamp coolers, ice packs, frozen water bottles, additional water bowls, etc - and becoming so affected by the heat you get dizzy and start throwing up. Then, after you push through that and finish setting up you go inside and sit on the couch right before passing out for a breif moment. When you come to you still feel overheated (and annoyed because its not even 10am yet for petes sake so it shouldnt be this hot!) so you get up to go to the fridge for water.

When you stand up you get lightheaded but vision is clear. By the time you take your third step though there is gray around the edges, step 6 or 7 brings a cloudy effect almost like youre looking through a fog, it also brings heavy breathing and a frantically beating heart as you begin to panic. About this time you trip on all the shit in your house you know is there but can no longer see to avoid it and as you fall to the ground vision is dark gray and you cant see shit.

That ^ was me. And as I sat on the floor listening to the wheezing of my own breath, the pounding of my own heart, the sobbing gasps, and felt the wetness of tears streaming down my face I thought "what the fuck am I going to do if my vision doesnt come back?"

Do you know what the answer was? "I dont know". Im alone down here. I have 1 car, no other licensed drivers,  no family or close friends nearby, no one to count on. In other words, If I go permanently blind or any other permanent disability occurs due to my auto-immune issues, I am well and truly fucked.

Nothing like a bit of blindness to show you how alone you really are.