Why NOT to have hired help....

OK so most people don't really think about this from my experience but the hired help ALWAYS knows way more about you and what is going on in your life than you would ever think. How do I know this? Because I AM the hired help. I have been a nanny, I have been a housekeeper and I am currently both. During these stints as domestic help in the lives of others I have seen things I can never erase, heard things that should have been private and deduced things they probably thought no one would ever suspect.

A small list of things you can learn about someone just by cleaning their house:

*Whether or not they are sexually active (and what their sexual fetishes are) - I'm the one who makes your bed, washes your sheets, takes out your trash, organizes your dresser/bedside table drawers and picks up the opened condom wrappers under the bed that you missed. Think I don't notice the pillows making a wall between you and your spouse or mentally note the handcuffs hanging from the headboard? You're wrong, I do notice, I'm just discreet about it.

*Whether or not they are cheating on their diet - I take the trash out and clean the kitchen, I also stock the pantry and fridge and help with meal prep... Don't think I don't know who ate the last twinky, I've got your favorite foods memorized, I also noticed that you set the scale 5 pounds lighter when I cleaned the bathroom. Cheater.

*Whether or not one or both of them is a cheater- You leave hints everywhere, who do you think finds the scraps of paper with phone numbers that you forgot in your jeans? That lipstick stain on your collar, yeah it was me that got that out without your wife noticing, I also got the cum stain from the pool boy off her skirt without you noticing but you don't know about that cuz once again, I'm discreet.

*Anorexia/bulimia, Diabetes, Insomnia, Depression, A habit of popping pills for no reason?.... I know about it, know who has it, and can estimate how long - don't worry, I'm not saying anything to anyone.

*You thought you had those naughty pictures hidden didn't you? NOTHING is hidden from the hired help we are expected to clean EVERYTHING, EVERYWHERE and we do. Please keep those things in a LOCKED box - it's really hard for us to continue to accept paychecks from you with a straight face when we know what all your naked bits look like.

*Whether or not your sudden bitchiness has anything to do with PMS... Like I said, I'm the one who takes out the trash, I can see all the midol bottles and tampon wrappers in it. Just sayin'

*Whether or not you're fighting and WHY.... Lemme give you a hint; your hushed voice is not really all that hushed... I can still hear you yelling in a stage whisper. Also, You forgot to throw away that half-crumpled, pissed off note you wrote about what a lying cheating bastard he is. Don't worry I tossed it for you. My lips are sealed.

*If you have fertility problems I know about it. I know what all the ovulation test kits are for, I'm also smart enough to deduce by the trashcan full of pregnancy tests and tissues that your prayers haven't been answered on this particular wish yet.

Disturbed yet?
Like I said, the above list is just a SMALL list of what the hired help knows about you. What you should be asking yourself though is HOW MUCH do you really know about them... Think about it... Are the things above things you'd want shared with a random stranger?

Just food for thought.

Now have a fabulous week and a happy Christmas holiday this year!