I am dating a fabulous guy and we are happy. While he has brought up the possibility of marriage as a "far-off-n-the-future" possibility a few times during the course of our relationship, it is something I keep brushing aside. I have already failed at that venture once, I have no need to try and fail again, nor do I have the need or want to ruin a perfectly good relationship with the concept of forever and society's pre-conceived notions of marriage and what that means. No matter if you want them to or not the rolls change and shift and expectations you never had before get brought in once "marriage" comes in to play. No thank you.
Anyway, on to the topic at hand. I do have a tendency to ramble, don't I?...
About a year and a half ago the doctors finally figured out what had been causing my ovary pain for the 2 years prior and I was diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome or PCOS for short. PCOS is a condition that causes your eggs to attach to your ovaries once being released from them, rather than going down the fallopian tube and into your uterus for fertilization as they are supposed to. Once they attach to your ovaries they form cysts all along the outside, sometimes "popping" which causes pain. Notice the difference in a normal ovary versus a PCOS ovary as illustrated in the picture below.
What causes this, you say? Well a hormone imbalance. For whatever reason my body started producing too much androgen (which is a male hormone kinda like testosterone) this imbalances the estrogen and causes things like my eggs not dropping all the way. It can also cause Insulin problems, leading to diabetes, along with shrinking breasts, hair growth over face and body, a deepening of the voice, etc... Fun, huh? So along with the possibility of becoming "manly" I also had to deal with the added blow that I would most likely never have any more children. Though I had planned on being done with the four I had this was still a deep emotional blow and shock. It is one thing to hypothetically say "I'm done" but still leave yourself open to the choice of having more if you choose it, it is another thing to hear that mother nature has decided you are done for you. Women with PCOS have an extremely low chance of getting pregnant naturally. Some fertility treatments they have available can give you a 10% a month chance... Not great, huh? So basically for me, someone who wouldnt think of doing fertility treatments when I already have 4 wonderful children, can kiss their chances of pregnancy goodbye. Like I said though, I had no intention at the time of having more children but still knowing I now couldn't whether I ever wanted to or not, was a hard blow. Only someone who's been through it can ever really understand, but that was a very sucky day.Upon talking to my significant other about the results and how it sucked, I learned that due to medical complications he had been told years before that he had a 1-3% chance of getting someone pregnant. Add that on to the fact that my treatment for PCOS was birth control pills that are specifically made to help balance out the hormone imbalance of PCOS to keep the side affects of it (IE- becoming guy-like) at bay and our chances to ever have a baby (not that it was in our plans in any way shape or form) were pretty much in the negative percentile.
OR SO WE THOUGHT.
In July, I took a pregnancy test. My period was extremely late and I had symptoms such as increased sense of smell, nausea at dinner time (I never get morning sickness, its always at dinner time) and extreme fatigue. But that was not unusual, PCOS often affects your body so that it thinks you are pregnant and so you experience syptoms wihtout ever being pregnant - in fact, thats how I got diagnosed in the first place. So I was positive it was my body fucking with me again. Lee thought it was a 50/50 chance either way. So I took a test just to prove him wrong. Then I took another. Looks like our chances of getting pregnant just increased dramatically, huh?...
Now I could bitch and moan, complain about how life's unfair, how this is horrible timing etc. But whats the point? Number one I've been given a gift and though there are those in my family and friendship circle who don't look at it that way, who have even taken to making severely harsh and incorrect assumptions, judgments and statements regarding me and this situation, I know the truth I know this is a gift and I choose to treat it as such.
The timing could be better, yes, and had we planned this which we did not (despite the accusations by some that i deliberately planned this on purpose to trap the current guy I'm with- let me pose a question - even if i was the type of person that would do something that horrendous to another person, given the facts above how would that even be possible with the low conception chances?..) the timing undoubtedly would be better. But that is not how this worked. So you take what you are given and you change your plans to suit. without whining, without complaining and without allowing the obnoxious and unfounded judgmental opinions of others to deter you.
While there were legitimate concerns about getting pregnant at this time, we sat down and have dealt with them the best we can. Plans are in place for earning more money to afford our soon-to-be- very-large family, we are looking for a place large enough to house us all, my schooling will not be deterred, my job hunt is still on and the children were handled as delicately as possible. The main concern regarding the timing was the chance the kids would feel replaced and the fact they would not get to be involved in this pregnancy the way they were able to with each other. We discussed all concerns, answered all questions and assured the children I loved them dearly, missed them obsessively and that this baby would not change that in any way. we also talked about ways they could be involved with this pregnancy such as me emailing pictures from the sonogram and them helping to pick out baby items when they come for christmas etc. They get reassured each phone conversation and that will continue until they are back home and i can show them in person they are still loved the same as they always were. While this situation is not perfect and they may still have their doubtful moments I am doing all I can to make those as few and far between as possible.
The other concern was the high chance of miscarriage 45-55% chance with PCOS as opposed to 15% chance with a "normal" pregnancy. We have made it through the first trimester and are well on our way through the second so that concern, it seems, can be put away. So now I just have to deal with the continued judgments of family and friends and all the other possible medical problems that go along with a PCOS pregnancy such as: gestational diabetes, high blood pressure (hypertension), preeclampsia and blood clotting disorders during pregnancy. Pregnant PCOS sufferers are also more likely to experience miscarriage, pre-term birth or to have over-size babies....
And yes, I knew those facts before ever getting pregnant as I learned them at the same time I learned I had PCOS and that I probably would not get pregnant again if I ever wanted to. So to the person who stated I got pregnant on purpose in order to trap my man so he could "take care of me" open your fucking eyes and repent in your prayers for your judgmental attitude because judging is taught to be wrong in both the mormon religion AND in the bible: Mathew 7:5 -
| Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye. ^words you should print out, place on your bathroom mirror and read to yourself every day. And remember when you start being judged as a "bad mother" and given unwanted advice by people without kids (which happens to us all at some time during motherhood, whether we learn of it or not), before you get all irritated don't forget that you were once one of the worst perpetrators of that same "crime"... To learn more about PCOS go here: PCOS Facts PCOS & Pregnancy |
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