Why NOT to have hired help....

OK so most people don't really think about this from my experience but the hired help ALWAYS knows way more about you and what is going on in your life than you would ever think. How do I know this? Because I AM the hired help. I have been a nanny, I have been a housekeeper and I am currently both. During these stints as domestic help in the lives of others I have seen things I can never erase, heard things that should have been private and deduced things they probably thought no one would ever suspect.

A small list of things you can learn about someone just by cleaning their house:

*Whether or not they are sexually active (and what their sexual fetishes are) - I'm the one who makes your bed, washes your sheets, takes out your trash, organizes your dresser/bedside table drawers and picks up the opened condom wrappers under the bed that you missed. Think I don't notice the pillows making a wall between you and your spouse or mentally note the handcuffs hanging from the headboard? You're wrong, I do notice, I'm just discreet about it.

*Whether or not they are cheating on their diet - I take the trash out and clean the kitchen, I also stock the pantry and fridge and help with meal prep... Don't think I don't know who ate the last twinky, I've got your favorite foods memorized, I also noticed that you set the scale 5 pounds lighter when I cleaned the bathroom. Cheater.

*Whether or not one or both of them is a cheater- You leave hints everywhere, who do you think finds the scraps of paper with phone numbers that you forgot in your jeans? That lipstick stain on your collar, yeah it was me that got that out without your wife noticing, I also got the cum stain from the pool boy off her skirt without you noticing but you don't know about that cuz once again, I'm discreet.

*Anorexia/bulimia, Diabetes, Insomnia, Depression, A habit of popping pills for no reason?.... I know about it, know who has it, and can estimate how long - don't worry, I'm not saying anything to anyone.

*You thought you had those naughty pictures hidden didn't you? NOTHING is hidden from the hired help we are expected to clean EVERYTHING, EVERYWHERE and we do. Please keep those things in a LOCKED box - it's really hard for us to continue to accept paychecks from you with a straight face when we know what all your naked bits look like.

*Whether or not your sudden bitchiness has anything to do with PMS... Like I said, I'm the one who takes out the trash, I can see all the midol bottles and tampon wrappers in it. Just sayin'

*Whether or not you're fighting and WHY.... Lemme give you a hint; your hushed voice is not really all that hushed... I can still hear you yelling in a stage whisper. Also, You forgot to throw away that half-crumpled, pissed off note you wrote about what a lying cheating bastard he is. Don't worry I tossed it for you. My lips are sealed.

*If you have fertility problems I know about it. I know what all the ovulation test kits are for, I'm also smart enough to deduce by the trashcan full of pregnancy tests and tissues that your prayers haven't been answered on this particular wish yet.

Disturbed yet?
Like I said, the above list is just a SMALL list of what the hired help knows about you. What you should be asking yourself though is HOW MUCH do you really know about them... Think about it... Are the things above things you'd want shared with a random stranger?

Just food for thought.

Now have a fabulous week and a happy Christmas holiday this year!

Life as a "new" mom... again

Every baby is different. "They" say it, but I don't think everyone always believes "them"... I'm here to tell you they're right. A person can have a hundred soccer games, the basics and principles are always going to be the same, the basic rules will remain unchanged but the game itself, the way you play it will never repeat itself 100% in each new game. There will be different strategies, different moves and different outcomes. It is the same with our children. Each new pregnancy, each new birth and each new baby is a unique and unexplored world full of learning experiences and eye-opening moments. With each child I learn a new way to see the world through their eyes. The world in the eyes of an infant, toddler or child is a wondrous and magical place full of magic and opportunities, not the vast gray landscape full of potholes and dampening news that most adults see.
I am so thankful I have had the joy of seeing the world through 5 unique souls eyes and that the journey gets to continue for years to come, as they get older the veiw changes a bit but its always more wondrous and magical than anything I see on my own.
I love you Madison, Zoe, Sebastyan, Riley and Avril - you are my little miracles. Thank you.

October is Adopt-a-dog Month!!!

Thats right. The entire month of October is national Adopt-A-Dog month so I'm doing what I can to help spread the word for future Octobers as this October is almost over.

As someone who occasionally fosters and one who has seen the inside workings of shelters, this is a subject close to my heart.

Here are a few of the stories regarding dogs that have been "rescued" and the fabulous pets they turned out to be:
Punky came to Wendy by fate. She was a sighthound/shepherd mix. Her owner had fallen on hard times and been forced to move in with her sister who's dog constantly attacked Punky. In fear that Punky would be seriously injured or killed, her owner gave punky to a family she knew from work. After a month the new home dropped Punky at the local Humaine society because she was chasing their horses, they did this without notifying the owner. For reasons unknown, 24hours before Punky was set to be euthanised the shelter called her original owner and notified her of Punky's impending doom. She set out on a mission to find a foster family or home for her dog. Completely randomly she was able to get ahold of Wendy, someone she had never met before, and Wendy took Punky in. As I was Wendys babysitter/dogsitter I spent plenty of time with this odd-yet-cute looking dog with the sweet and hyper personality. We had her for 2 months before finding her the perfect home. Her new name is Missy, she has been with her adoptive family for a little over a year now and wendy still gets the occasional Email/pictures from them. Last we heard they were looking to adopt another "brother" or "sister" for Missy.
If it wasnt for people like that who had big hearts and open minds dogs like Punky/Missy would never have the opportunity to experience a loving forever home. Please remember the homeless pets out there when you decide to get a pet of your own.

Meet Sugar. Before I tell you about Sugar I will have to explain a little more about Wendy and me. Wendy got the idea to start a website called FACES to help educate on the homeless animal plight. It is still under construction and not nearly as big and thorough as we would like it to be once finished, but it still gets its point across. Shortly after she created it, she moved near me and I jumped in to help her with it. I created a myspace to compliment it and help get the word out. And on the myspace we joined lots of groups and began to spread the word. One of the people in those groups who was a friend on the FACES Profile emailed me about a dog that he had been told about and he gave me all the contact info for the person who had brought the dog to his attention. I got in contact with this person and was then told the whole story.
Sugar (nameless at this point) had been abandoned when her owner had moved out of his house and just left her in the backyard. After he moved, sugar had 9 puppies. a couple of the people on the street were watching the pups and occasionally leaving food for the dogs, but they still were not being fed on a regular basis and had no shelter. One of the neighbors who had known this man kept trying to get ahold of him but was continually blown off, then he noticed that the puppies were slowly disappearing. He got another woman involved and she (karen) was the one who brought Sugar to my attention and who gave sugar her new name. Sugar was too far away for me to be able to take in myself so I contacted Karen and gave her all the info of all the contacts I had in her area. I found some possible transport options and sent her advice on how to screen potential foster homes and adopters. I also helped screen some myself. We found a rescue to take in the two pups who were left but could find no one to take in sugar. Karen decided to take sugar in and foster her herself. Things were going well until Sugar got sick. She was coughing and wheezing, the vet said Pneumonia. Then Karen got the call. The pups had distemper and one had died. She emailed me scared and upset. Her dogs had begun showing signs of Sugars sickness and she was afraid they all had distemper.
I hopped online for info on distemper and how to treat it holistically. The news on symptoms was devastating; distemper is often misdiagnosed as pneumonia. She brought sugar in to be tested. Distemper was the result. After weeks of holistically treating, and many vet visits Sugar was clear. Unfortunately two of Karens own dogs were not as fortunate and died due to distemper.
Sugar now lives with Karen permanently, and while she doesnt cover the ache of losing Patches and Bitsy completely, she still holds a special place in Karens heart. I still get updates and emails from Karen regarding Sugar and she is doing very well. That skinny dog in the picture is not recognizable as the happy, healthy full of energy dog that Sugar has become today with Karens love and kindness.

Meet Squishy. He is the pink hairless puppy next to the shepherd mix. Thats right, puppy, he was less than 3 months old when this picture was taken. He was a BIG puppy. and a sick one. Squishy came in to the Orange County shelter with his brothers and sisters. He was the only one sufferng from demodectic mange and the shelter didnt want to deal with it. They also didnt want the expense of finding out wether it was demodectic or sarcoptic so the decided to hide the puppies and put them to sleep quietly without ever giving them the chance to be adopted or taken in by rescues. One of the volunteers there found out and made the puppies VERY public. two rescues stepped in and took the puppies, all but squishy. No one wanted to deal with his medical issues. Sammy and Wendy were working with a rescue at the time and the rescue asked them if they would be willing to take in one more. A specail needs puppy. Of course, they said yes. So Squishy came to live on the sanctuary that had become Wendy and Sammys home, and got his name.
with much love and daily holistic treatments Squishy began to grow hair and to resemble a normal dog again. He also got puppy energy and started acting like a normal healthy dog. When Sammy and Wendy had to move due to unforseen circumstances another foster person for the same rescue took Squishy on and fell so in love with him that she ended up adopting him herself. He lives a very happy healthy normal doggy life thanks to everyone that had the heart to take him on and give him tha chance he deserved.




If you would like to learn more about Adopt-A-Dog month you can go here:
American Humane

If you would like to learn more about the pet over-population problem and how you can help, go here: Anyway, on to the topic at hand. I do have a tendency to ramble, don't I?...
About a year and a half ago the doctors finally figured out what had been causing my ovary pain for the 2 years prior and I was diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome or PCOS for short. PCOS is a condition that causes your eggs to attach to your ovaries once being released from them, rather than going down the fallopian tube and into your uterus for fertilization as they are supposed to. Once they attach to your ovaries they form cysts all along the outside, sometimes "popping" which causes pain. Notice the difference in a normal ovary versus a PCOS ovary as illustrated in the picture below.

What causes this, you say? Well a hormone imbalance. For whatever reason my body started producing too much androgen (which is a male hormone kinda like testosterone) this imbalances the estrogen and causes things like my eggs not dropping all the way. It can also cause Insulin problems, leading to diabetes, along with shrinking breasts, hair growth over face and body, a deepening of the voice, etc... Fun, huh? So along with the possibility of becoming "manly" I also had to deal with the added blow that I would most likely never have any more children. Though I had planned on being done with the four I had this was still a deep emotional blow and shock. It is one thing to hypothetically say "I'm done" but still leave yourself open to the choice of having more if you choose it, it is another thing to hear that mother nature has decided you are done for you. Women with PCOS have an extremely low chance of getting pregnant naturally. Some fertility treatments they have available can give you a 10% a month chance... Not great, huh? So basically for me, someone who wouldnt think of doing fertility treatments when I already have 4 wonderful children, can kiss their chances of pregnancy goodbye. Like I said though, I had no intention at the time of having more children but still knowing I now couldn't whether I ever wanted to or not, was a hard blow. Only someone who's been through it can ever really understand, but that was a very sucky day.
Upon talking to my significant other about the results and how it sucked, I learned that due to medical complications he had been told years before that he had a 1-3% chance of getting someone pregnant. Add that on to the fact that my treatment for PCOS was birth control pills that are specifically made to help balance out the hormone imbalance of PCOS to keep the side affects of it (IE- becoming guy-like) at bay and our chances to ever have a baby (not that it was in our plans in any way shape or form) were pretty much in the negative percentile.
OR SO WE THOUGHT.
In July, I took a pregnancy test. My period was extremely late and I had symptoms such as increased sense of smell, nausea at dinner time (I never get morning sickness, its always at dinner time) and extreme fatigue. But that was not unusual, PCOS often affects your body so that it thinks you are pregnant and so you experience syptoms wihtout ever being pregnant - in fact, thats how I got diagnosed in the first place. So I was positive it was my body fucking with me again. Lee thought it was a 50/50 chance either way. So I took a test just to prove him wrong. Then I took another. Looks like our chances of getting pregnant just increased dramatically, huh?...
Now I could bitch and moan, complain about how life's unfair, how this is horrible timing etc. But whats the point? Number one I've been given a gift and though there are those in my family and friendship circle who don't look at it that way, who have even taken to making severely harsh and incorrect assumptions, judgments and statements regarding me and this situation, I know the truth I know this is a gift and I choose to treat it as such.
The timing could be better, yes, and had we planned this which we did not (despite the accusations by some that i deliberately planned this on purpose to trap the current guy I'm with- let me pose a question - even if i was the type of person that would do something that horrendous to another person, given the facts above how would that even be possible with the low conception chances?..) the timing undoubtedly would be better. But that is not how this worked. So you take what you are given and you change your plans to suit. without whining, without complaining and without allowing the obnoxious and unfounded judgmental opinions of others to deter you.
While there were legitimate concerns about getting pregnant at this time, we sat down and have dealt with them the best we can. Plans are in place for earning more money to afford our soon-to-be- very-large family, we are looking for a place large enough to house us all, my schooling will not be deterred, my job hunt is still on and the children were handled as delicately as possible. The main concern regarding the timing was the chance the kids would feel replaced and the fact they would not get to be involved in this pregnancy the way they were able to with each other. We discussed all concerns, answered all questions and assured the children I loved them dearly, missed them obsessively and that this baby would not change that in any way. we also talked about ways they could be involved with this pregnancy such as me emailing pictures from the sonogram and them helping to pick out baby items when they come for christmas etc. They get reassured each phone conversation and that will continue until they are back home and i can show them in person they are still loved the same as they always were. While this situation is not perfect and they may still have their doubtful moments I am doing all I can to make those as few and far between as possible.
The other concern was the high chance of miscarriage 45-55% chance with PCOS as opposed to 15% chance with a "normal" pregnancy. We have made it through the first trimester and are well on our way through the second so that concern, it seems, can be put away. So now I just have to deal with the continued judgments of family and friends and all the other possible medical problems that go along with a PCOS pregnancy such as: gestational diabetes, high blood pressure (hypertension), preeclampsia and blood clotting disorders during pregnancy. Pregnant PCOS sufferers are also more likely to experience miscarriage, pre-term birth or to have over-size babies....
And yes, I knew those facts before ever getting pregnant as I learned them at the same time I learned I had PCOS and that I probably would not get pregnant again if I ever wanted to. So to the person who stated I got pregnant on purpose in order to trap my man so he could "take care of me" open your fucking eyes and repent in your prayers for your judgmental attitude because judging is taught to be wrong in both the mormon religion AND in the bible: Mathew 7:5 -

Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye. ^words you should print out, place on your bathroom mirror and read to yourself every day. And remember when you start being judged as a "bad mother" and given unwanted advice by people without kids (which happens to us all at some time during motherhood, whether we learn of it or not), before you get all irritated don't forget that you were once one of the worst perpetrators of that same "crime"... To learn more about PCOS go here: PCOS Facts PCOS & Pregnancy

The different views on selfishness

OK so this statement made not long ago honestly made me shake my head in disbelief and since i cant get it out of my head or reason out how this person could honestly believe it, Im posting it here:

"I pray that you consider adoption, but that would be too selfless of a thing for you to do, after all the whole point of you getting pregnant anyway is to get another man to take care of you so you don't have to do it yourself and adoption would defeat that purpose. (By the way I checked it out, it only takes one parents consent not both.)"

Now completely ignoring the "you got pregnant on purpose" implication. The thing that got me was that Keeping the baby is selfish according to this person BUT giving the baby up for adoption without the consent of the father was not. Does that not make sense to anyone else?

Or am i the only one who feels that denying someone their parental rights just because you feel like it or someone told you to is not only selfish but also morally wrong? So its selfish to keep a baby with two people who love it and will provide for it yadda yadda or even one parent who would do the same, but a-ok and selfless to give that baby to another family, denying it both biological parents, one whom wasnt even given a choice in the matter and potentially drag the new family, the biological father AND the baby into a lawsuit which can wind up with the baby being taken from the parents it knows at an older age and possibly emotionally scarred and confused. Like these kids:

The birthfather rights issue came to the forefront most dramatically in recent years. In 1993, an Iowa birthfather successfully challenged an adoption by a Michigan couple after a battle of several years (In re Claussen). The case became publicized throughout the United States as the adoptive parents openly struggled with the birthfather over custody of the child the adopters had named "Jessica DeBoer."

In this case, the birthmother had named one man as the father of her child and he had signed consent to the adoption. After the child was placed, the birthmother stated that the biological father was really another man. The actual birthfather sought custody and won his court struggle when the child was about three years old. She was placed with him and the birthmother, whom he had married.

^What this post failed to mention was that they also re-named her. So she's 3, forced to move in with people she doesnt know and also renamed. But according to the above statement this woman was selfless to lie to the father and give this baby to this couple without his consent. I mean since he wouldnt consent to it just lie and give the baby to someone else anyway, why not?... Why give the birth father his legal rights - that would be selfish apparently. And putting that little girl through a legal battle was definitely not selfish in any way. Not at all. *eyeroll*

Another case, known popularly as "the Baby Richard case" in Illinois, also received national notice, primarily because of stories written by Chicago columnist Bob Greene and a nationally prominent author, Dennis Prager. In this case, a birthmother placed a child for adoption and told the birthfather the baby had died. She later admitted the adoption and the birthfather actively sought custody. He prevailed when the child was about three years old. The birthparents later divorced and the child purportedly is being reared by his noncustodial birthmother.

^Hmmm another case in which a baby is raised by one family and then yanked away and given to strangers at 3 years old. Nice, but those moms were totally selfless thinking only of themselves and what they wanted and lying their asses off to deny the biological fathers their rights. Thats the definition of selflessness, after all. Totally.

Because these two cases received an unusually high level of media attention, nearly all state legislatures subsequently reviewed their laws on birthfathers, and many new laws were enacted. Some states created putative father registries, while other states created laws allowing for prebirth consent from a birthfather. Some states required the birthfather to appear in court within a certain timeframe or to submit documents to a particular court or organization in order for paternity to be established.

And cases like those are what led to THIS: The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a law depriving all unwed fathers of the right to decide against adoption, whether or not they actually took care of the children in question, was unconstitutional and a form of SEX DISCRIMINATION.


So, regardless of state laws all a father has to do is cite that SUPREME COURT ruling and he has a case and then your child might be the one that winds up living with someone he never met whos rights you tried to deny at 3 years old with a different name. But yet, you were just being selfless after all. Right?

The Double Standards of Friendship...

Ohhhhhhh where to begin, where to begin.

I am not the type of female that surrounds herself with other females, the reasons why are numerous. Females are often catty, rarely trustworthy, extremely vindictive, always competitive in one regard or another with other females and on and on I could go...

Every once in a while though you come across females in which those traits are either not present or are so minimal that it makes a friendship with them worth it. For the past 3 years I thought my best friend was one of those females.... I found out this past weekend I was wrong.

I met Wendy Nichole Nelson online on myspace in a group called Pits Only. We were in many other groups together as well and at some point amidst posting on dog topics we became friends. We shared email and IM and phone numbers and talked on a regular basis. The number of paralells in our lives were amazing in that "kinda spooky" way.... We were so similar people often mistook us for each other or would just assume that what one said the other agreed with 100% even when that wasnt entirely so. It was fun but annoying at the same time. People often said it was almost like we were "the same person" and we were similar enough in looks we were often mistaken for each other by neighbors or asked if we were sisters. We felt like sisters.



In the end of summer 2007 Wendy moved to Southern California to live with a mutual friend. I became her free babysitter, first while she job hunted and then while she worked. She was supposed to help out in trade but spent more time online in front of my computer than watching children (even her own) or helping me clean as agreed. That should have been my first sign but as the dog groups and the fight against BSL had become a crusade of mine as well I understood her preocupation and so made excuses for it in my own head. She had just gotten out of a bad marriage that had many similarities to my own at the time and thus formed another bond between us. Meanwhile her lack of help and the fact she was on the computer or leaving us with her kids all the time was adding another strain to an already breaking marriage which led to more fighting and tension between J and I and offered her an even further in as the sympathetic ear and devoted caring friend.

We began looking for houses to move into together and during the search I contacted my dad and moved up here leaving her babysitterless which, in hindsight, may have left her feeling betrayed and began the first step in this long path of betrayal.

She got a babysitter, lost a babysitter, got another, lost another and eventually made her way up here after living in her car with kids for 2 weeks. I took her in with open arms. The plan was that she would help out with the house we would take turn babysitting each others kids and once she found a job she would stay a month or two to save up then move into an apartment close by so we could continue to babysit for each other.

She made minimal job hunting efforts, spent hours upon hours online in myspace, facebook, a fishing group and perusing craigslist ads, all in an effort to meet and sleep with as many men (and potential marks) as she could.... Made minimal housecleaning efforts and lived here for 7 months rent/food/bill free on top of my giving her gas money because she often ran errands for me while I cleaned - I never received any change from any of the errands and she would miraculously have money to buy herself soda and chips after running errands for me, I never said anything as it was a few dollars here and there. Many people in my life were unimpressed with her, questioned her motives, called her a user or a leach and i defended her to every one of them; She was trying but the job market was extremely poor due to the economy, she did help out but she had been sick lately, and the list of excuses and defenses went on and on.

During the last two months she became close with another friend we had both met online years ago and they decided to meet in person. He paid for her to travel to indiana and they entered into a relationship, made plansfor her to move in with him and signed a lease to rent a house together. The relationship was tumultuous to say the least and i was extremely unsure of its ability to last and the smartness of their decision to live together so early on. I was very vocal about my concerns and he and I began fighting. She would consistently pour gasoline on those fires to fuel those fights as often as possible.

As she was telling me how mean he was and how poorly he treated her and how jealous he was etc etc she was telling him I was abusing her kids, forcibly keeping her from getting a job, using her as a slave and making life a living hell from which she longed to escape. Though her hours online and extremely long phones conversations with him should have provided him the proof he needed to see through said lies, he was blinded by love and took up the sword to defend the honor of his poor defensless girlfriend.

She misjudged her quarry when in the last fight we were involved in she fanned the flames a little too much and he let known his opinion of me for all the above mentioned "crimes". An even bigger battle ensued as I tried to defend my name by offering the truth and he countered with lie upon malicious and disgusting lie... all had come from her.

I kicked her out of my house, turned off the cellphone we had been paying for her for almost 2 years and threatened to have her car towed if someone didnt pick it up within 24 hours (she is in oregon visiting her mom) I also reclaimed the dog we had adopted from her for jason and i was going to give back to her due to jasons irresponsibly deciding he didnt want his beloved 'pretty pittie princess' anymore now that he would have to be the one to actually care for her... of course she doesnt know the dog has been reclaimed yet but, Hey, i cant wait to see the look on her face when I tell her. And as she hasnt paid a dime on the dog for food or care except for a new collar, I have every right to keep whats mine. =)

The fighting amongst the boyfriend and I continued and I got even more info. Finally I had enough and in a pissed off effort to hurt them both told him every lie I knew she had told him from the start of their relationship until now complete with the names and phone numbers of the people involved who could back me up. When he went to her with the info that i was about to provide names/numbers she admited the lies. Which effectively ended their relationship.


For about 5 hours.

He is "in love with her" and "has to try to make it work" and while I give him props for being able to stick he gets more points taken away for total stupidity. Alas, its his life and he needs to be allowed to fall on his own face from time to time but I have a feeling reconstructive surgery may not be enough to undo the damage once she's through with him.

I've said my peace thats all I can do. That, and pray he comes to his senses and also post this blog in an effort that those who come in contact with this deadly black widow spider see her for what she truly is and avoid her web at all costs.



Good luck in life, Wendy Nichole Nelson, may Karma come back to give you what you have thrown out to others tenfold, and may it happen soon.

*sigh*

Stress sucks. Literally. It sucks the energy from your body, the happiness from your soul, the will to fight from your life... It just sucks in general.

For me stress comes mostly from myself. I stress over, about adn around just about everything - but i have to think it to death first. Its a little retarded to most of the world and annoying to those same people as well. which I get in a sense but it still sucks to feel like your thoughts, feelings and concerns are being laughed off or brushed aside as "silly" just because the other person doesnt agree with your veiwpoint.

I'm tired of crying. It seems to be all I'm doing lately - stressing myself to the point I want to throw up and crying. Over so many things - mostly over my own neurotic worries, I guess.

When do you know you've thought too much? Or have taken things to far? How do you know its time to stop stressing, worrying, wondering and comparing the past to the present?

Im tired of being the neurotic over-thinking fearful bunny rabbit of a wimp. The bold girl who reached for what she wanted has been buried so long under thick layers of fear and hate that I'm unsure if she even exists anymore. I miss her some days.

Maybe its time for a long heart-to-heart with myself. Maybe its time to stop running away and start running TO...
*happiness
*hope
*what i want
*my dreams

Then just take hold and hang on.

Now if only I can find the courage. Anyone have some for sale?...