I went blind the other day. Full on lost my vision for about 15 min. Scary shit.
Ive been dealing with auto immune issues for about 10 years now. Not something I talk or post about often because really, what does bitching about it do to help? Not a damn thing.
Ive never done well in the heat and the auto immune issues have only exacerbated the problem, and for the past 3 years Ive been in the desert. Oh joy.
The past week SUCKED as far as temperature and it kicked my ass: vertigo, nausea, headaches, body aches, extreme fatigue, and -for a terrifying 15 or so minutes this weekend- blindness.
So imagine, if you will, frantically trying to set up cooling stations for foster pets at 8/9 in the morning in areas (95% of the house/grounds/yard) where there is no AC available by setting up fans, swamp coolers, ice packs, frozen water bottles, additional water bowls, etc - and becoming so affected by the heat you get dizzy and start throwing up. Then, after you push through that and finish setting up you go inside and sit on the couch right before passing out for a breif moment. When you come to you still feel overheated (and annoyed because its not even 10am yet for petes sake so it shouldnt be this hot!) so you get up to go to the fridge for water.
When you stand up you get lightheaded but vision is clear. By the time you take your third step though there is gray around the edges, step 6 or 7 brings a cloudy effect almost like youre looking through a fog, it also brings heavy breathing and a frantically beating heart as you begin to panic. About this time you trip on all the shit in your house you know is there but can no longer see to avoid it and as you fall to the ground vision is dark gray and you cant see shit.
That ^ was me. And as I sat on the floor listening to the wheezing of my own breath, the pounding of my own heart, the sobbing gasps, and felt the wetness of tears streaming down my face I thought "what the fuck am I going to do if my vision doesnt come back?"
Do you know what the answer was? "I dont know". Im alone down here. I have 1 car, no other licensed drivers, no family or close friends nearby, no one to count on. In other words, If I go permanently blind or any other permanent disability occurs due to my auto-immune issues, I am well and truly fucked.
Nothing like a bit of blindness to show you how alone you really are.
I dont care what your reasons are, its NOT ok to go behind someone's back. Its NOT ok to lie to their face. Its NOT ok. Period.
"But it was out of concern" Try talking to the person you're concerned about then. Instead of ignoring what they say for hours then getting a group of people together behind their back to talk about them.
"But we didn't say anything negative" I dont give a shit. What you did was take private conversations and make it everyone elses business. What you did was have people talk to me then report back how those conversations went. What you did -ALL OF YOU- was breach my privacy and trust and 100% lose my respect. Then you all failed to take responsibility for any of your parts in it and act like I'm being unreasonable. I'm not the one that went behind your backs. It's not unreasonable to be pissed about breach of trust. You dont have to like how I went about calling you out on it but I dont like that I cant trust people I believed in to tell the instigators of schemes like this to fuck off instead of participating in them. You want an apology for calling you out on unacceptable behavior- you'll die waiting for one. Just like I'll die waiting for any of you to admit these actions were NOT ok despite your potentially good intentions behind them.
"I didn't lie" Bullshit. Using a loophole does not negate your responsibility in dishonesty and it is 100% dishonest to allow me to believe that someone else was responsible for the added stress in my life being brought by an unexpected visit that was instigated by your behind-my-back group message. NOT OK.
Recently, you went on record being against stay-at-home parents, and in the video of your speech you can be seen saying, "Sometimes someone, usually mom, leaves the workplace to stay at home with the kids which then leaves her earning a lower wage for the rest of her life as a result. AND THAT'S NOT A CHOICE WE WANT AMERICANS TO MAKE." You then went on to talk about wanting to enroll an exorbitant amount of children into daycare and preschool programs by the end of this decade. Now, many news outlets and personal bloggers are writing up articles about how you disparaged or insulted stay-at-home moms: We Don't want stay at home moms Obama insults moms 3 reasons Obama is wrong
I don't think your speech was disparaging to stay-at-home moms, I don't even think it was insulting to stay-at-home moms, I think it was pure ignorance. Yes, Mr. President, I am calling you ignorant and not just on this issue. You are ignorant because you see money as the only value in this equation. There are many things in this life that hold unmeasurable value Mr. President, but money IS NOT one of them. You are ignorant because you are making the assumption that someone else is more qualified to raise our children than the moms that birthed them. You stood in front of a crowd of people and said that our children need to be in programs where the ratio is one adult to 5 or more children, vs in a home with the parent that is bonded to them and can give them the one on one time, attention, devotion, and nurturing that is critical to their formative years. You are ignorant because you are judging someone's worth by their income in this equation, people are so much more than the job they do or the amount of money they make. In fact some of the most worthy people in this life are the ones who have very little monetary value at all. The worth of a person should not be judged by what (s)he makes and instead by who (s)he is.
An excellent quote that I feel fits this situation is; “The wise do not buy into other people’s perceptions of who they are and what they are capable of. Instead, they bypass a person’s public persona and see who they are in their highest expression. When you see actions taken with integrity, instead of words only, you will then know a soul’s worth.” -Shannon L. Alder
Stay-at-home moms (and there are exceptions to every rule so this doesn't apply to all- but it does apply to a majority in my opinion) are the epitome of action with integrity -they put aside their wants, sometimes their dreams as well, for their family, for their children, for the future. They selflessly give of themselves nurturing and caring not just for the children they birthed but for the husband they bound themselves to, for the home they live in. These moms usually take very little time for themselves because they devote the whole of it to their family and they do this because they know an important truth that you have yet to let yourself learn Mr. President. They know that there is no greater calling on this earth than that of being a mother. They know that there is no more important job than that of raising our future. They know that there is nothing more rewarding in the whole of the universe than the raising, nurturing, and shaping of a life.
I feel sorry for you, Mr. President, deeply sorry not only for you but for your wife and your children because your choice to be a working family cost your family something precious that you will never get back. But unlike you, Mr. President, I can feel sorry and sad for you without judging your family for it's choice to be a two-income working family and I can respect your and your wifes choice to do so. I have never and will never say that "being a working mom is not a choice moms should be making" because it is that mom's choice. It is not my choice, it is hers. No one has the right to decide someone else's life for them. You have every right to feel that your wife made the right choice to be a working mom because it is a choice she made herself, a choice she is happy with, a choice that worked for your family. But you have NO RIGHT to say that those of us moms who chose to stay at home made the wrong one. My choice to stay at home was the best choice I ever made. It was one I will never forget, or regret. And nothing else I ever do in this life will ever compare in value to what I accomplished as a stay-at-home mom.
This was never my favorite game to play back when I was young and it actually was a game. Holding on to the rope while someone else has the other side, both of you pulling and tugging with all your might going nowhere and gaining no ground. What was the point?
I see even less point now when both players are adults and the rope in question is 3 innocent children. How does one convince themselves that using their children in a game of one upmanship and revenge is either ok or in the childrens best interest? And how does the other party keep from pulling on the rope while also keeping themselves from being pulled into the mud? Their is just no winning here for anyone.
Its just all so ridicilous. Im tired of seeing them hurt, tired of fighting a constant battle for their and my sanity, tired of the nitpicking, the double checking, the fact finding, asking 800 times for the same thing and getting nowhere despite court orders stating that Im entitled to the information I'm requesting. And on and on and on it goes....
The kicker though was being told I couldnt talk to one of my children because I had talked to her too long last time. And then also finding out that the youngest had not only been injured but that they were all instructed not to tell me about the injury. Because encouraging kids to lie and/or keep important information from their parents is such a good idea. 0_o
Part one of planning a Hunger Games Birthday Party is having a young adult (in this case my daughter's turning 12) who has read the trilogy, watched the movie, and loves both incessantly.
Once you have confirmed the desire for such a party step 2 is in figuring out how to go about creating one.
First, get input from your child; this includes everything from color scheme to food, whether or not they want to re-enact any scenes (and which one), if they want guests to attend in character costumes, etc. In my case i was told she wants to dress up as Effie and the rest is up to me, i have since purchased a pink wig. 0_o
Next, you either Google "Hunger Games parties" or, if you're like me and have a pinterest account, you search pinterest for ideas. I found some great ones not all of which we'll be using.
Once you've narrowed down your ideas make 2 lists. List one states all the ideas you'll be incorporating into your party and step 2 is a list of all the supplies you'll need to bring those ideas to fruition. The dollar store and Walmart are going to be my best friends over the next 2 weeks. ;-)
After shopping's been completed you photographically document your progress on each project and link it in pinterest or your own blog so people like me can see it and use your ideas to boost our own.
Finally, you throw the party, take lots of pics (once again for pinterest and your blog) and make tons of memories - moments like these don't last forever.
Unfortunately my title isn't the prelude to a funny entertaining story about forgetfulness the way some might assume. We've all heard the funny saying "of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most" and seen it on T-shirts, internet memes, etc and I'm sure like the rest of us you've snickered or giggled to yourself at the silly joke and went along your way, never contemplating the repercussions of what it would be like to actually lose your mind.
Over the past few months I have been victim of a war my body is raging on itself. I do not know why the war began, how or when it will end, or what is keeping it going. All I know is that now that I am aware of it I am doing my best to fight back. As soon as my medical insurance goes through (quickly, please god) my best will become even better. When your body betrays you it is the worst feeling in the world think: best friend and fiance found in a compromising position on your wedding day and then times that by ten. No, I'm not kidding. It's worse than anything you can imagine because your body is intimately a part of you, it is bound to you from birth on, you are best friends, confidantes, team-mates- your body goes through everything with you; every heartache, your first steps, every fall, every success: your body was the one that helped you score that final winning goal for your soccer team or held you in your seat when the horse beneath you had a freak out, trembled but stayed standing during your first kiss, held on strong as you pushed through labor, etc - there is no one in this world who has been through more with you or is more intimately attached to you and all your memories (both good and bad) than your body so having that same body betray you is more than a slap in the face or knife in the heart: it is the absence of hope. Which in my opinion, is why denial comes so often to those diagnosed with things like cancer or given poor prognoses: we don't want to believe that our body is fighting against us because that is the one thing we need on our side to get through it- whatever "it" happens to be.
While I definitely miss my energy and miss being able to do something as simple as walking up and down the stairs or even walking to our town park (only 3 blocks away) without becoming winded, weak, dizzy or sweat-covered I would readily agree to continue to deal with that for an undisclosed period of time if only the confusion, forgetfulness and fogginess would leave me forever. I know all of us have at one time or another in our lives dealt with the moment when you walk into a room to do something, stand there for a moment and completely forget why youre there then 30 seconds after leaving the room you remember, go back and get whatever it was you needed. Imagine if that wasn't only an every day occurrence but was a Multiple times daily occurrence along with mixing up your children, forgetting their ages, birth-dates, birth statistics: all things which have been an integral part of your memories as a mom and now sometimes you can remember them, sometimes you cant and sometimes what you remember turns out to be the stats for another child even though you could have sworn it wasn't. Wanting to break down and cry doesn't begin to cover the emotional roller coaster losing your mind puts you on.
Of course its not just losing my mind that has me on the emotional roller coaster, all the other symptoms combined with losing my mind is what has done it, especially when they're added to the stress of the current circumstances life and a vengeful selfish ex have dealt me recently. I'm trying to take everything in stride and be positive though while also making plans for both future's: a positive one that includes finding out whats wrong and healing it as well as the negative one that I pray isn't on my life path at this time. But well-prepared is well-armed and my children at least deserve to have a well-prepared mom so that their futures can be put on the most positive note she can give them, whether she's here to see it or not.
All I really have left to say now that my fears are out on "paper" instead of crowding my heart and mind with so much stress is to honestly cherish each moment, let all those who have touched your life know that they have done so and how it has made you the better, stronger you that you are today.
To those that have touched my life: I cherish all of you because without you and your actions I would not be the woman I am with a wonderful family, brilliant, loving and kind children and a compassionate, loving boyfriend who puts up with so much with more patience than most would. Thank you all for touching my life for bringing positive and cherished memories and for being a friend, a shoulder and a willing ear in times both good and bad. I cherish all of you and am ever grateful for every moment we are able to spend together. Your lives have blessed mine. Thank you.
If I had a nickel for every time I heard a someone utter the above statement I would give Bill Gates "worlds wealthiest person" competition. Currently Bill Gates has no worries in that department and I really have no opinion on whether that is a "fortunate" or "unfortunate" thing because I am honestly not of the mindset that wealth solves problems, unlike the "I'm so tired of being broke" "If only I won the lottery" people are.
There are hardships that come with living hand-to-mouth or paycheck to paycheck and I would be the last to deny them as I've been living hand-to-mouth pretty much my entire life. But living is honestly all about perception, mindset and attitude. I have had a good fulfilling and happy life, I seriously have, despite living below the poverty level for 90% of the past 15+ years. I have been able to have quality time with my family, they know I love them and vice-versa, I have been able to give my children toys, clothes, food and fabulous birthday parties every year, they get to go fun places like the park, zoo, Disneyland etc. All it takes is budgeting, lots of planning and the patience to wait 1-2 years for the bigger more expensive activities while i scrimp and save little bits of each paycheck to afford those things. I'm willing to wait and willing to scrimp and save because I want them to have these experiences and I know there is no other way for me to offer them that. Complaining and saying "if only" or even worse; taking a piss-poor attitude around with me everywhere I go and letting that effect my relationships and life is pointless, selfish and self-destructive.
I would love to have more money and I'm actually working my butt off to try and make that happen because that is the only way it WILL happen: by me working my butt off and going out, putting myself out on a limb and TRYING. There is no "get rich quick" scheme or "instant millionaire" packet out there I can use or do to get rich overnight. EFFORT is the only way to do it. I have come up with some products I think may sell so now I am doing what I can to slowly buy the ingredients and make the products, once I have some stock I will make a website and a business page and begin promoting and selling my products. I'm also finishing the 15+ books I have in different progress stages. Once those are finished I will be selling them in online form through kindle on amazon. And I'm continuing in my housekeeping until I have enough money through my other efforts to quit. I may never rival Bill Gates in the bank account department but in the fulfilled-life, happiness, family and satisfaction departments I'm pretty sure I can give him a run for his money. :)
It's time for honesty. I'm not saying that I've been lying to you or anyone else because I have been as honest as I felt I could be, but I definitely have never given anyone ALL the information that maybe I should have. Sometimes it was to protect you and keep your feelings from being hurt, other times it was purely selfish and done to keep myself from being hurt by your lashing tongue and cruel acts as we both know how vengeful you can be when things don't go your way. Either way I have yet to give you 100% truth about the hows and why's of my leaving and with the gloves currently off on your side I figure its about time I take my own off as well and lay everything out there. Who knows, maybe you'll read this one day and it will help you see yourself in a clearer light so you can become a better person, or maybe not. At least I know that by writing this whether you ever read it or not I have finally purged you and our toxic relationship from my soul completely.
I wanted to love you, I did, and I honestly tried to keep myself from falling out of love with you but I failed. For the record you made loving you practically impossible with your snide comments, verbal abuse, explosive temper, random outbursts, constant lies, refusal to accept responsibility for ANYTHING and constant misplacement of blame onto others and let's not forget the cheating or the rape. The two final straws that shattered this poor beaten camels back.
I think the first moment that started the downward spiral of me no longer loving you was the day you bought my train ticket for me to go to my dads wedding but didn't buy your own. I asked why you hadn't bought your ticket and you told me it was because we didn't have enough money. I had written the budget out for that paycheck and the 4 previous paychecks so that we could save the money and have enough to get there so the money SHOULD have been in the bank. Not only should we have had enough money for all our train tickets but there should also have been an additional $100 for unexpected expenses as well as our cable bill money and grocery bill money as neither of those had been paid yet. Instead after buying my ticket we had $29 in the account. That's not what made the first crack in the "I love you" wall though. What made the crack was when you followed me into the bedroom and began pestering me about what was wrong. I told you repeatedly I didn't want to discuss it until later when the kids were asleep because I felt it was emotionally damaging for parents to fight in front of their children. Instead of respecting my feelings or taking the emotional well being of our 2 children into consideration you instead focussed solely on what you wanted since YOU always have been and always will be the most important thing and #1 priority in your own life. This was the first time in our 2 year marriage that I recognized that truth and I lost a multitude of respect for you because of it.
You got in my face repeatedly continuously badgering me in front of both our children, one of whom was being held by me, until I finally lost it and brought up how much money should have been in the account and why the hell wasn't it since you were the one who had the bank card. We ended up in a big argument in front of our children at the end of which I ended up having to call my sister, making excuses for you ( another big chunk of respect for you lost there and the love crack widens a bit) so I could borrow money for us all to be able to attend my fathers wedding as it was not practical for me to travel 13 hours on a train with luggage, an almost 3 year old and a 7 month old BY MYSELF, so you needed to go with. Instead of thanking my sister, getting your act together, admitting any wrongdoing etc you acted as though everything were fine, you had the right to over-spend our bank account and were entitled to monetary loans from my family whenever you damn well pleased. The mask was coming off, the charming veneer wearing thin and the egotistical self-obsessed, thoroughly selfish ass was showing through. I was beginning to realize I did NOT love that guy but "that guy" was who I was really married to.
It was about halfway through year 3 of our marriage when I realized that not only wasn't I in love with you any longer but that I didn't like you at all anymore either. The lying was out of control, as was the verbal abuse, the selfishness had reached new heights I hadn't imagined possible and any attempts made on my part to try and talk things through or fix the ever widening cracks in our relationship were brushed aside and ignored by you. I considered leaving you multiple times but felt that for our children's sake I had to continue the facade and stay married to a man I disliked, had no respect for, didn't trust and was no longer in love with. To top it all off I was repelled by his touch and just the thought of having to have sex with him was revolting but any punishment was fair as long as it meant my children's needs and wants were being met. So I continued to live with a man I didn't love and continued to sleep with him as well despite my lack of desire for the task. I even got pregnant one last time in an effort to try to find a connection between us, something I could love and respect you for once more, anything to begin rebuilding our relationship on. It didn't work.
But I will never regret our relationship or staying as long as I did because by doing so I received 3 precious and irreplaceable gifts, our wonderful talented generous smart and beautiful children and I woukdnt trade any of them for anything in this world or out of it. So thank you for your part in bringing those gifts into our lives. I will always be grateful to you for that though your treatment if those lives since their births, especially during these past 3 years has done nothing but insure that you will never earn my respect nor be a likable man.
1) All "for sale" items washed, photographed and listed for sale by April 30, 2012
2)Cheaper storage place found and items moved to it by April 30, 2012
2) Lees Bios Life business up and running by May 1, 2012
3) DC rideable and up for sale or sold by May 15, 2012
4) At least 3 - 5 rental applications filled out and turned in for Temecula homes by May 15
5) Storage gone through and repacked by June 1, 2012
6) 2 months rent plus deposit saved up by July 1, 2012
7) Home found and moved into by August 1, 2012 at latest.
Strong. That's me. Ask my family, children, ex boyfriends, ex husband, close friends and many of them will say "She never cries". Ask them if they've ever seen me cry in the course of our relationship and at least 70% could truthfully answer no. I've been the steady shoulder to cry on and willing ear more times than I care to count, my own pain pushed aside in order to help heal the pain of others around me that were affected by the same circumstances.
When my parents divorced I played mother to my siblings on quite a few occasions as my mother dealt with lawyers, stress, grief and all the other wonders that come with the loss of an 11 year marriage. I confided in myself, God and my diary so as not to put more stress or worry on my mother. I listened to and consoled younger siblings, got ourselves snacks, played babysitter to them, etc etc. I believe that is when I taught myself never to cry as crying is a useless endeavor and wasted effort. I've held on to that belief for 27 years now, letting myself give in a little on the very rare occasions that I just couldn't hold in all the pain/fear/anger/grief any longer.
During the collapse of my fathers second "marriage" (in quotes because it was a common law marriage) I became his rock, I was his shoulder to cry on, quite literally and felt the weight of those tears both physically and metaphorically more times than one would believe possible after having the privilege to meet my tough and gruff father. I became mother once again to my siblings during their weekend and holiday visits, took over the household chores; cooking, cleaning, organizing, grocery shopping,etc. My own tears, worries & stresses were tucked aside in my own personal well of pain and grief deep inside my chest, the lid firmly placed over the well and a large stone boulder placed on top of that to hold it down. I became the perfect steady-as-a-rock willing ear and shoulder to cry on. Let no emotions show, always project confidence and a winning smile, always have a plan, fake it til you make. Those were all my mottos. I memorized them and lived them well. Some called me shallow and heartless, I think many of them actually believed it to be true.
Through break-ups, losses of friendships, deaths of loved ones and pets, sexual abuse, physical abuse, a foray into my own personal drug hell, anorexia/bulimia I held my hand out to no one, poured my pain and loss and fears out to a microscopic few and handled it myself with the minimum emotional displays possible (except one VERY VERY drunken night with my best friend). Some people know the extent of these stories, most don't and I can say that of those that do more than half were told by big mouth family members and not by me (thanks for that by the way- and you 3 know who you are- it's always wonderful to be blindsided by a friend/family member/acquaintance/significant other with extremely personal information you didn't share with them and had no desire for them to ever know).
Then came my big epic failure decision. The decision to let my children live for one year with their father. The reasoning made sense at the time and honestly still does if you look at it solely from a numbers/ list of facts point of view and ignore the personalities of the adults involved. Ignoring the selfish behaviors and epic asstasticness by a certain someone - just look at facts and figures and a random stranger would very likely come to my same conclusion, however I'm not a random stranger I knew this man inside out, was fully aware of his capacity for selfishness, competitiveness and epic asstasticness so therefore I should have known better.
After making and enacting this decision; I endured hateful comments and emails, recriminations, judgments, backstabbing, loss of support structure from family, my own doubts/fears/self-recriminations, extreme misery and longing from missing my munchkins, Slander in front of court officials and random strangers on multiple occasions, as well as a multitude of other emotional and physical ups and downs. I weathered them all, and gave very little outward notice to many of them. My pain was my own burden to bear, hate from others my own to shield and deflect. I held up very well. We are now going on year three of the "temporary" one-year agreement and year two of the actual court custody proceedings and it has taken its toll. Over the course of my lifetime the well I spoke of earlier was eventually dug out, expanded and became a large river with a strong solid dam to hold it back, that dam is now cracking.
I cannot name the number of tears shed the last year and most especially the last 6 months, the heart-wrenching & soul-tearing pain experienced or the racking sobs as grief pours out of my throat and down my cheeks into my pillow. I am losing it. I can no longer hold up under this strain and happy facade of crap - smiling politely and nodding my head while everyone tells me to "be patient" and "It'll work out in the end" when NOW is what I am worried about and no one can tell me when the fuck "the end" will be. I am tired of living in limbo, tired of seeing my children less than once a month, tired of having my visitations ignored, shortened or otherwise fucked with, tired of the tear-filled questions from my children that I'm not allowed to answer per court order because apparently California courts think all children are too stupid to deduce for themselves that their parents are having a custody battle, tired of the hurt that fills my childrens eyes at the end of every visit, tired of hearing the begging and sobs during the end of the visit as their father stands coldly by refusing to acknowledge the pain his selfishness is wreaking upon our children, tired of his smug superiority and assumption that the children are his sole possessions to keep and control instead of the sentient beings they are with feelings and minds of their own who deserve their own chance at happiness and to have their wishes and needs acknowledged instead of ignored.
Any time this crap wants to finally come to an end so I can get on with my life and make the moves and decisions that are best for my children to help heal some of this damage would be great. Really. Any time now.
It never ceases to amaze me that the amount of selfishness, pettiness, irresponsibility, complete lack of empathy, competitiveness and hatefulness that you have writhing with in you constantly increases. Just when I think we have reached the utmost depths of your vileness you do something more despicable, selfish, irresponsible, petty, competitive or hateful to prove me wrong. Will we ever reach the bottom of this vile well of despicableness or is your soul just an endless black hole of filth? Is this what your father is like? This soulless selfish despicable being or have you now even surpassed him?
I find it pathetically sad that you are following in his footsteps- this man that you claim to despise and yet your are just as self-absorbed and hateful to others as he is, if not more so, just as determined to have your way and take your revenge regardless of the cost to others or the collateral damage (namely your children). What's even more pathetic and sad is that I don't think you even completely realize that already your actions are sowing the seeds of discontent, disrespect and hatred in your children. The tone of disdain in their voices when they speak of you is sad and disheartening, the way they adamantly refuse to call you and fight over who has to speak to you first on the rare occasions you call them, saddens my heart.
Not for you, the selfish, black souled, lying manipulative bastard, but for our innocent children who should be able to blindly respect, love and adore their father, who should be able to have hero-worship as normal children do instead of being forced to see him in the light for the true person he is as he displays his soulless, selfish nature for them time and again through his actions. Destroying family time, ruining their dreams, plans and fun, lying to them, breaking promises to them, and the list goes on.
Grow up. Realize that the world does not revolve around you, and if it was going to revolve around any one single person certainly it would be a better, more responsible, truthful, caring, giving person than you have proven yourself to be.
You have these perfect wonderful beings in your hands, start cherishing that gift instead of squandering it. Start placing them first in your life above yourself, your wants and your petty thirst for revenge. BE A DAD. Instead of becoming more and more like the man you cut out of your life. Look in the mirror- is it his reflection you see yet? If not, that's only because you're fooling yourself.
Sincerely,
The Best Thing That Ever Happened to You Before She Got Smart and Walked Away
So you know that saying that goes something along the lines of; " if you buy a woman things that plug in or household supplies you better have a good life insurance policy that you're paid up on" , that totally doesn't apply to me.
In the past I have received bake ware, a crockpot, mixers (man I'm still sad J got our kitchenaid mixer when we split), sewing machines, etc and all were met with sincere smiles and thanks because it is stuff needed that I will use and use well. Most girls want diamonds, I like cooking and crafting supplies, LOL.
Things I would absolutely go gaga over for future birthdays or Christmases include; * A decent sewing machine (one that embroiders would net you multiple blow jobs daily for life) * A label Maker * A kitchenaid mixer with pasta maker attachment (I've been lusting over that baby for at least 8 years) * A dyson animal vacuum cleaner * A nice steam cleaner that works well * A crepe pan * A pastry cutter * An industrial grade food processor
So I guess the moral of this story is that while stereotypes can be useful they don't always get it right, know the person you're getting gifts for and get the something you know they'll enjoy even if it is considered a faux pas by others. Happy gift hunting. :)
First I'd like to remind everyone that your reproductive rights are one of the most cherished things you have, they are both a power and a gift like no other so please be VERY VERY VERY sure that ending those rights is not only the right choice for you but that it is YOUR choice. Don't allow other people to influence this decision, do not be pushed or guilted or pressured into deciding to give away all future children just because someone else thinks it's best. The only person who has the right to make this choice is you and you alone.
So now that you've decided you definitely, positively do not want more cherub cheeked bundles of joy running around your home you are stuck picking the method that works best for your family: Tubal ligation, Essure, or vasectomy. I'm not here to point out the pro's or cons of essure or vasectomy's nor am I here to do a side by side comparison of the three methods. I'm just here to state, for the record, why I personally if I had the chance to go back would NEVER EVER EVER get a tubal ligation again even if they paid me 15 TRILLION dollars.
Reason 1 that Tubal Ligations SUCK: It's a surgery, and despite it's routine-ness it's not really minor.
Reason 2: The pain and healing time are not quick and easy.
Reason 3: I STILL (20 months later) have pain in the incision spot, and it is extremely sore to the touch as well.
Reason 4: My period cycle is on steroids. I used to have a very light cycle that lasted 3-5 days. I have never had to use anything more than a regular tampon and those would rarely get even half-full within the 4-6 hour time frame that they should be changed. Since my tubal ligation I bleed through super tampons in 2 or less hours for the first 3 days of my period, there is cramping, there is clotting and none of my periods have lasted less than 7 days... NOT. HAPPY.
Reason 5: I have had a significant amount of headaches and dizzy spells since my tubal and they have not lessened in the 20 months following the surgery despite having no other symptoms of any problems.
Reason 6: After extensive online research it turns out that my problems are not rare. The amount of women suffering from these and many more problems after having tubals (period cycle problems being the most common) are immense.
So please- RESEARCH RESEARCH RESEARCH before having this or any other surgery (major or minor) - I sincerely wish I would have. I regret very few things in my life, having this surgery is one of them.
So as my January entry had things i wanted to change about myself and do this year and one thing was to make a list of personal goals and work on it daily which I have yet to do though the year is almost over, I decided I better get on that like now. Here it is.
1) Write at least 1 chapter per week on my fiction romance novel.
2) Finish my homeopathic dog book by December 31, 2011
3) Spend at least 3 days per month working on my crafting items and ideas. Once i have a decent stockpile, set up my business website.
4) Business website for crafting should be up and running no later than October 2012
5) Start saving 10% of every paycheck.
6) Write twice per week in my dog blog and start promoting it on the faces social sites and website.
7) Start Family Home Evenings on Mondays, scripture Study Sunday-Thursday and nightly prayer.
8) Walk the dogs four nights per week , Louie and Bella get walked morning and night.
9) Write out where i want to be 5 years from now and set goals for how to get me there. Have this complete before January 2012.
OK so most people don't really think about this from my experience but the hired help ALWAYS knows way more about you and what is going on in your life than you would ever think. How do I know this? Because I AM the hired help. I have been a nanny, I have been a housekeeper and I am currently both. During these stints as domestic help in the lives of others I have seen things I can never erase, heard things that should have been private and deduced things they probably thought no one would ever suspect.
A small list of things you can learn about someone just by cleaning their house:
*Whether or not they are sexually active (and what their sexual fetishes are) - I'm the one who makes your bed, washes your sheets, takes out your trash, organizes your dresser/bedside table drawers and picks up the opened condom wrappers under the bed that you missed. Think I don't notice the pillows making a wall between you and your spouse or mentally note the handcuffs hanging from the headboard? You're wrong, I do notice, I'm just discreet about it.
*Whether or not they are cheating on their diet - I take the trash out and clean the kitchen, I also stock the pantry and fridge and help with meal prep... Don't think I don't know who ate the last twinky, I've got your favorite foods memorized, I also noticed that you set the scale 5 pounds lighter when I cleaned the bathroom. Cheater.
*Whether or not one or both of them is a cheater- You leave hints everywhere, who do you think finds the scraps of paper with phone numbers that you forgot in your jeans? That lipstick stain on your collar, yeah it was me that got that out without your wife noticing, I also got the cum stain from the pool boy off her skirt without you noticing but you don't know about that cuz once again, I'm discreet.
*Anorexia/bulimia, Diabetes, Insomnia, Depression, A habit of popping pills for no reason?.... I know about it, know who has it, and can estimate how long - don't worry, I'm not saying anything to anyone.
*You thought you had those naughty pictures hidden didn't you? NOTHING is hidden from the hired help we are expected to clean EVERYTHING, EVERYWHERE and we do. Please keep those things in a LOCKED box - it's really hard for us to continue to accept paychecks from you with a straight face when we know what all your naked bits look like.
*Whether or not your sudden bitchiness has anything to do with PMS... Like I said, I'm the one who takes out the trash, I can see all the midol bottles and tampon wrappers in it. Just sayin'
*Whether or not you're fighting and WHY.... Lemme give you a hint; your hushed voice is not really all that hushed... I can still hear you yelling in a stage whisper. Also, You forgot to throw away that half-crumpled, pissed off note you wrote about what a lying cheating bastard he is. Don't worry I tossed it for you. My lips are sealed.
*If you have fertility problems I know about it. I know what all the ovulation test kits are for, I'm also smart enough to deduce by the trashcan full of pregnancy tests and tissues that your prayers haven't been answered on this particular wish yet.
Disturbed yet? Like I said, the above list is just a SMALL list of what the hired help knows about you. What you should be asking yourself though is HOW MUCH do you really know about them... Think about it... Are the things above things you'd want shared with a random stranger?
Just food for thought.
Now have a fabulous week and a happy Christmas holiday this year!
Every baby is different. "They" say it, but I don't think everyone always believes "them"... I'm here to tell you they're right. A person can have a hundred soccer games, the basics and principles are always going to be the same, the basic rules will remain unchanged but the game itself, the way you play it will never repeat itself 100% in each new game. There will be different strategies, different moves and different outcomes. It is the same with our children. Each new pregnancy, each new birth and each new baby is a unique and unexplored world full of learning experiences and eye-opening moments. With each child I learn a new way to see the world through their eyes. The world in the eyes of an infant, toddler or child is a wondrous and magical place full of magic and opportunities, not the vast gray landscape full of potholes and dampening news that most adults see. I am so thankful I have had the joy of seeing the world through 5 unique souls eyes and that the journey gets to continue for years to come, as they get older the veiw changes a bit but its always more wondrous and magical than anything I see on my own. I love you Madison, Zoe, Sebastyan, Riley and Avril - you are my little miracles. Thank you.
Thats right. The entire month of October is national Adopt-A-Dog month so I'm doing what I can to help spread the word for future Octobers as this October is almost over.
As someone who occasionally fosters and one who has seen the inside workings of shelters, this is a subject close to my heart.
Here are a few of the stories regarding dogs that have been "rescued" and the fabulous pets they turned out to be: Punky came to Wendy by fate. She was a sighthound/shepherd mix. Her owner had fallen on hard times and been forced to move in with her sister who's dog constantly attacked Punky. In fear that Punky would be seriously injured or killed, her owner gave punky to a family she knew from work. After a month the new home dropped Punky at the local Humaine society because she was chasing their horses, they did this without notifying the owner. For reasons unknown, 24hours before Punky was set to be euthanised the shelter called her original owner and notified her of Punky's impending doom. She set out on a mission to find a foster family or home for her dog. Completely randomly she was able to get ahold of Wendy, someone she had never met before, and Wendy took Punky in. As I was Wendys babysitter/dogsitter I spent plenty of time with this odd-yet-cute looking dog with the sweet and hyper personality. We had her for 2 months before finding her the perfect home. Her new name is Missy, she has been with her adoptive family for a little over a year now and wendy still gets the occasional Email/pictures from them. Last we heard they were looking to adopt another "brother" or "sister" for Missy. If it wasnt for people like that who had big hearts and open minds dogs like Punky/Missy would never have the opportunity to experience a loving forever home. Please remember the homeless pets out there when you decide to get a pet of your own.
Meet Sugar. Before I tell you about Sugar I will have to explain a little more about Wendy and me. Wendy got the idea to start a website called FACES to help educate on the homeless animal plight. It is still under construction and not nearly as big and thorough as we would like it to be once finished, but it still gets its point across. Shortly after she created it, she moved near me and I jumped in to help her with it. I created a myspace to compliment it and help get the word out. And on the myspace we joined lots of groups and began to spread the word. One of the people in those groups who was a friend on the FACES Profile emailed me about a dog that he had been told about and he gave me all the contact info for the person who had brought the dog to his attention. I got in contact with this person and was then told the whole story. Sugar (nameless at this point) had been abandoned when her owner had moved out of his house and just left her in the backyard. After he moved, sugar had 9 puppies. a couple of the people on the street were watching the pups and occasionally leaving food for the dogs, but they still were not being fed on a regular basis and had no shelter. One of the neighbors who had known this man kept trying to get ahold of him but was continually blown off, then he noticed that the puppies were slowly disappearing. He got another woman involved and she (karen) was the one who brought Sugar to my attention and who gave sugar her new name. Sugar was too far away for me to be able to take in myself so I contacted Karen and gave her all the info of all the contacts I had in her area. I found some possible transport options and sent her advice on how to screen potential foster homes and adopters. I also helped screen some myself. We found a rescue to take in the two pups who were left but could find no one to take in sugar. Karen decided to take sugar in and foster her herself. Things were going well until Sugar got sick. She was coughing and wheezing, the vet said Pneumonia. Then Karen got the call. The pups had distemper and one had died. She emailed me scared and upset. Her dogs had begun showing signs of Sugars sickness and she was afraid they all had distemper. I hopped online for info on distemper and how to treat it holistically. The news on symptoms was devastating; distemper is often misdiagnosed as pneumonia. She brought sugar in to be tested. Distemper was the result. After weeks of holistically treating, and many vet visits Sugar was clear. Unfortunately two of Karens own dogs were not as fortunate and died due to distemper. Sugar now lives with Karen permanently, and while she doesnt cover the ache of losing Patches and Bitsy completely, she still holds a special place in Karens heart. I still get updates and emails from Karen regarding Sugar and she is doing very well. That skinny dog in the picture is not recognizable as the happy, healthy full of energy dog that Sugar has become today with Karens love and kindness. Meet Squishy. He is the pink hairless puppy next to the shepherd mix. Thats right, puppy, he was less than 3 months old when this picture was taken. He was a BIG puppy. and a sick one. Squishy came in to the Orange County shelter with his brothers and sisters. He was the only one sufferng from demodectic mange and the shelter didnt want to deal with it. They also didnt want the expense of finding out wether it was demodectic or sarcoptic so the decided to hide the puppies and put them to sleep quietly without ever giving them the chance to be adopted or taken in by rescues. One of the volunteers there found out and made the puppies VERY public. two rescues stepped in and took the puppies, all but squishy. No one wanted to deal with his medical issues. Sammy and Wendy were working with a rescue at the time and the rescue asked them if they would be willing to take in one more. A specail needs puppy. Of course, they said yes. So Squishy came to live on the sanctuary that had become Wendy and Sammys home, and got his name. with much love and daily holistic treatments Squishy began to grow hair and to resemble a normal dog again. He also got puppy energy and started acting like a normal healthy dog. When Sammy and Wendy had to move due to unforseen circumstances another foster person for the same rescue took Squishy on and fell so in love with him that she ended up adopting him herself. He lives a very happy healthy normal doggy life thanks to everyone that had the heart to take him on and give him tha chance he deserved.
If you would like to learn more about Adopt-A-Dog month you can go here: American Humane
If you would like to learn more about the pet over-population problem and how you can help, go here:
Anyway, on to the topic at hand. I do have a tendency to ramble, don't I?...
About a year and a half ago the doctors finally figured out what had been causing my ovary pain for the 2 years prior and I was diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome or PCOS for short. PCOS is a condition that causes your eggs to attach to your ovaries once being released from them, rather than going down the fallopian tube and into your uterus for fertilization as they are supposed to. Once they attach to your ovaries they form cysts all along the outside, sometimes "popping" which causes pain. Notice the difference in a normal ovary versus a PCOS ovary as illustrated in the picture below.
What causes this, you say? Well a hormone imbalance. For whatever reason my body started producing too much androgen (which is a male hormone kinda like testosterone) this imbalances the estrogen and causes things like my eggs not dropping all the way. It can also cause Insulin problems, leading to diabetes, along with shrinking breasts, hair growth over face and body, a deepening of the voice, etc... Fun, huh? So along with the possibility of becoming "manly" I also had to deal with the added blow that I would most likely never have any more children. Though I had planned on being done with the four I had this was still a deep emotional blow and shock. It is one thing to hypothetically say "I'm done" but still leave yourself open to the choice of having more if you choose it, it is another thing to hear that mother nature has decided you are done for you. Women with PCOS have an extremely low chance of getting pregnant naturally. Some fertility treatments they have available can give you a 10% a month chance... Not great, huh? So basically for me, someone who wouldnt think of doing fertility treatments when I already have 4 wonderful children, can kiss their chances of pregnancy goodbye. Like I said though, I had no intention at the time of having more children but still knowing I now couldn't whether I ever wanted to or not, was a hard blow. Only someone who's been through it can ever really understand, but that was a very sucky day.
Upon talking to my significant other about the results and how it sucked, I learned that due to medical complications he had been told years before that he had a 1-3% chance of getting someone pregnant. Add that on to the fact that my treatment for PCOS was birth control pills that are specifically made to help balance out the hormone imbalance of PCOS to keep the side affects of it (IE- becoming guy-like) at bay and our chances to ever have a baby (not that it was in our plans in any way shape or form) were pretty much in the negative percentile.
OR SO WE THOUGHT.
In July, I took a pregnancy test. My period was extremely late and I had symptoms such as increased sense of smell, nausea at dinner time (I never get morning sickness, its always at dinner time) and extreme fatigue. But that was not unusual, PCOS often affects your body so that it thinks you are pregnant and so you experience syptoms wihtout ever being pregnant - in fact, thats how I got diagnosed in the first place. So I was positive it was my body fucking with me again. Lee thought it was a 50/50 chance either way. So I took a test just to prove him wrong. Then I took another. Looks like our chances of getting pregnant just increased dramatically, huh?...
Now I could bitch and moan, complain about how life's unfair, how this is horrible timing etc. But whats the point? Number one I've been given a gift and though there are those in my family and friendship circle who don't look at it that way, who have even taken to making severely harsh and incorrect assumptions, judgments and statements regarding me and this situation, I know the truth I know this is a gift and I choose to treat it as such.
The timing could be better, yes, and had we planned this which we did not (despite the accusations by some that i deliberately planned this on purpose to trap the current guy I'm with- let me pose a question - even if i was the type of person that would do something that horrendous to another person, given the facts above how would that even be possible with the low conception chances?..) the timing undoubtedly would be better. But that is not how this worked. So you take what you are given and you change your plans to suit. without whining, without complaining and without allowing the obnoxious and unfounded judgmental opinions of others to deter you.
While there were legitimate concerns about getting pregnant at this time, we sat down and have dealt with them the best we can. Plans are in place for earning more money to afford our soon-to-be- very-large family, we are looking for a place large enough to house us all, my schooling will not be deterred, my job hunt is still on and the children were handled as delicately as possible. The main concern regarding the timing was the chance the kids would feel replaced and the fact they would not get to be involved in this pregnancy the way they were able to with each other. We discussed all concerns, answered all questions and assured the children I loved them dearly, missed them obsessively and that this baby would not change that in any way. we also talked about ways they could be involved with this pregnancy such as me emailing pictures from the sonogram and them helping to pick out baby items when they come for christmas etc. They get reassured each phone conversation and that will continue until they are back home and i can show them in person they are still loved the same as they always were. While this situation is not perfect and they may still have their doubtful moments I am doing all I can to make those as few and far between as possible.
The other concern was the high chance of miscarriage 45-55% chance with PCOS as opposed to 15% chance with a "normal" pregnancy. We have made it through the first trimester and are well on our way through the second so that concern, it seems, can be put away. So now I just have to deal with the continued judgments of family and friends and all the other possible medical problems that go along with a PCOS pregnancy such as: gestational diabetes, high blood pressure (hypertension), preeclampsia and blood clotting disorders during pregnancy. Pregnant PCOS sufferers are also more likely to experience miscarriage, pre-term birth or to have over-size babies....
And yes, I knew those facts before ever getting pregnant as I learned them at the same time I learned I had PCOS and that I probably would not get pregnant again if I ever wanted to. So to the person who stated I got pregnant on purpose in order to trap my man so he could "take care of me" open your fucking eyes and repent in your prayers for your judgmental attitude because judging is taught to be wrong in both the mormon religion AND in the bible: Mathew 7:5 -
Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.
^words you should print out, place on your bathroom mirror and read to yourself every day. And remember when you start being judged as a "bad mother" and given unwanted advice by people without kids (which happens to us all at some time during motherhood, whether we learn of it or not), before you get all irritated don't forget that you were once one of the worst perpetrators of that same "crime"...
OK so this statement made not long ago honestly made me shake my head in disbelief and since i cant get it out of my head or reason out how this person could honestly believe it, Im posting it here:
"I pray that you consider adoption, but that would be too selfless of a thing for you to do, after all the whole point of you getting pregnant anyway is to get another man to take care of you so you don't have to do it yourself and adoption would defeat that purpose. (By the way I checked it out, it only takes one parents consent not both.)"
Now completely ignoring the "you got pregnant on purpose" implication. The thing that got me was that Keeping the baby is selfish according to this person BUT giving the baby up for adoption without the consent of the father was not. Does that not make sense to anyone else?
Or am i the only one who feels that denying someone their parental rights just because you feel like it or someone told you to is not only selfish but also morally wrong? So its selfish to keep a baby with two people who love it and will provide for it yadda yadda or even one parent who would do the same, but a-ok and selfless to give that baby to another family, denying it both biological parents, one whom wasnt even given a choice in the matter and potentially drag the new family, the biological father AND the baby into a lawsuit which can wind up with the baby being taken from the parents it knows at an older age and possibly emotionally scarred and confused. Like these kids:
The birthfather rights issue came to the forefront most dramatically in recent years. In 1993, an Iowa birthfather successfully challenged an adoption by a Michigan couple after a battle of several years (In re Claussen). The case became publicized throughout the United States as the adoptive parents openly struggled with the birthfather over custody of the child the adopters had named "Jessica DeBoer."
In this case, the birthmother had named one man as the father of her child and he had signed consent to the adoption. After the child was placed, the birthmother stated that the biological father was really another man. The actual birthfather sought custody and won his court struggle when the child was about three years old. She was placed with him and the birthmother, whom he had married.
^What this post failed to mention was that they also re-named her. So she's 3, forced to move in with people she doesnt know and also renamed. But according to the above statement this woman was selfless to lie to the father and give this baby to this couple without his consent. I mean since he wouldnt consent to it just lie and give the baby to someone else anyway, why not?... Why give the birth father his legal rights - that would be selfish apparently. And putting that little girl through a legal battle was definitely not selfish in any way. Not at all. *eyeroll*
Another case, known popularly as "the Baby Richard case" in Illinois, also received national notice, primarily because of stories written by Chicago columnist Bob Greene and a nationally prominent author, Dennis Prager. In this case, a birthmother placed a child for adoption and told the birthfather the baby had died. She later admitted the adoption and the birthfather actively sought custody. He prevailed when the child was about three years old. The birthparents later divorced and the child purportedly is being reared by his noncustodial birthmother.
^Hmmm another case in which a baby is raised by one family and then yanked away and given to strangers at 3 years old. Nice, but those moms were totally selfless thinking only of themselves and what they wanted and lying their asses off to deny the biological fathers their rights. Thats the definition of selflessness, after all. Totally.
Because these two cases received an unusually high level of media attention, nearly all state legislatures subsequently reviewed their laws on birthfathers, and many new laws were enacted. Some states created putative father registries, while other states created laws allowing for prebirth consent from a birthfather. Some states required the birthfather to appear in court within a certain timeframe or to submit documents to a particular court or organization in order for paternity to be established.
And cases like those are what led to THIS: The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a law depriving all unwed fathers of the right to decide against adoption, whether or not they actually took care of the children in question, was unconstitutional and a form of SEX DISCRIMINATION.
So, regardless of state laws all a father has to do is cite that SUPREME COURT ruling and he has a case and then your child might be the one that winds up living with someone he never met whos rights you tried to deny at 3 years old with a different name. But yet, you were just being selfless after all. Right?
I am not the type of female that surrounds herself with other females, the reasons why are numerous. Females are often catty, rarely trustworthy, extremely vindictive, always competitive in one regard or another with other females and on and on I could go...
Every once in a while though you come across females in which those traits are either not present or are so minimal that it makes a friendship with them worth it. For the past 3 years I thought my best friend was one of those females.... I found out this past weekend I was wrong.
I met Wendy Nichole Nelson online on myspace in a group called Pits Only. We were in many other groups together as well and at some point amidst posting on dog topics we became friends. We shared email and IM and phone numbers and talked on a regular basis. The number of paralells in our lives were amazing in that "kinda spooky" way.... We were so similar people often mistook us for each other or would just assume that what one said the other agreed with 100% even when that wasnt entirely so. It was fun but annoying at the same time. People often said it was almost like we were "the same person" and we were similar enough in looks we were often mistaken for each other by neighbors or asked if we were sisters. We felt like sisters.
In the end of summer 2007 Wendy moved to Southern California to live with a mutual friend. I became her free babysitter, first while she job hunted and then while she worked. She was supposed to help out in trade but spent more time online in front of my computer than watching children (even her own) or helping me clean as agreed. That should have been my first sign but as the dog groups and the fight against BSL had become a crusade of mine as well I understood her preocupation and so made excuses for it in my own head. She had just gotten out of a bad marriage that had many similarities to my own at the time and thus formed another bond between us. Meanwhile her lack of help and the fact she was on the computer or leaving us with her kids all the time was adding another strain to an already breaking marriage which led to more fighting and tension between J and I and offered her an even further in as the sympathetic ear and devoted caring friend.
We began looking for houses to move into together and during the search I contacted my dad and moved up here leaving her babysitterless which, in hindsight, may have left her feeling betrayed and began the first step in this long path of betrayal.
She got a babysitter, lost a babysitter, got another, lost another and eventually made her way up here after living in her car with kids for 2 weeks. I took her in with open arms. The plan was that she would help out with the house we would take turn babysitting each others kids and once she found a job she would stay a month or two to save up then move into an apartment close by so we could continue to babysit for each other.
She made minimal job hunting efforts, spent hours upon hours online in myspace, facebook, a fishing group and perusing craigslist ads, all in an effort to meet and sleep with as many men (and potential marks) as she could.... Made minimal housecleaning efforts and lived here for 7 months rent/food/bill free on top of my giving her gas money because she often ran errands for me while I cleaned - I never received any change from any of the errands and she would miraculously have money to buy herself soda and chips after running errands for me, I never said anything as it was a few dollars here and there. Many people in my life were unimpressed with her, questioned her motives, called her a user or a leach and i defended her to every one of them; She was trying but the job market was extremely poor due to the economy, she did help out but she had been sick lately, and the list of excuses and defenses went on and on.
During the last two months she became close with another friend we had both met online years ago and they decided to meet in person. He paid for her to travel to indiana and they entered into a relationship, made plansfor her to move in with him and signed a lease to rent a house together. The relationship was tumultuous to say the least and i was extremely unsure of its ability to last and the smartness of their decision to live together so early on. I was very vocal about my concerns and he and I began fighting. She would consistently pour gasoline on those fires to fuel those fights as often as possible.
As she was telling me how mean he was and how poorly he treated her and how jealous he was etc etc she was telling him I was abusing her kids, forcibly keeping her from getting a job, using her as a slave and making life a living hell from which she longed to escape. Though her hours online and extremely long phones conversations with him should have provided him the proof he needed to see through said lies, he was blinded by love and took up the sword to defend the honor of his poor defensless girlfriend.
She misjudged her quarry when in the last fight we were involved in she fanned the flames a little too much and he let known his opinion of me for all the above mentioned "crimes". An even bigger battle ensued as I tried to defend my name by offering the truth and he countered with lie upon malicious and disgusting lie... all had come from her.
I kicked her out of my house, turned off the cellphone we had been paying for her for almost 2 years and threatened to have her car towed if someone didnt pick it up within 24 hours (she is in oregon visiting her mom) I also reclaimed the dog we had adopted from her for jason and i was going to give back to her due to jasons irresponsibly deciding he didnt want his beloved 'pretty pittie princess' anymore now that he would have to be the one to actually care for her... of course she doesnt know the dog has been reclaimed yet but, Hey, i cant wait to see the look on her face when I tell her. And as she hasnt paid a dime on the dog for food or care except for a new collar, I have every right to keep whats mine. =)
The fighting amongst the boyfriend and I continued and I got even more info. Finally I had enough and in a pissed off effort to hurt them both told him every lie I knew she had told him from the start of their relationship until now complete with the names and phone numbers of the people involved who could back me up. When he went to her with the info that i was about to provide names/numbers she admited the lies. Which effectively ended their relationship.
For about 5 hours.
He is "in love with her" and "has to try to make it work" and while I give him props for being able to stick he gets more points taken away for total stupidity. Alas, its his life and he needs to be allowed to fall on his own face from time to time but I have a feeling reconstructive surgery may not be enough to undo the damage once she's through with him.
I've said my peace thats all I can do. That, and pray he comes to his senses and also post this blog in an effort that those who come in contact with this deadly black widow spider see her for what she truly is and avoid her web at all costs.
Good luck in life, Wendy Nichole Nelson, may Karma come back to give you what you have thrown out to others tenfold, and may it happen soon.
